Monthly Archives: September 2015

I didn’t come here to have a gun pointed in my face

This episode begins with the pointing of guns in faces.

This is a clear piece of evidence for the claims that if we all had guns we would all be safer.

Scully is there and she has her gun. Then AD Skinner busts in and he has his gun and the two are at a standoff (NO VIOLENCE). Then Mulder busts in and he points his gun at everybody and they all point their guns at him (NO VIOLENCE). Then everyone shouts a lot an demands things and finally something is resolved and no one gets shot.

Flash to Scully’s sister in the hospital. Someone shot her in the head. Her mom thought it was Dana at first and then realize that it wasn’t. I guess that is because Melissa Scully is not an FBI agent and doesn’t have a gun on her person at all times. Sorry about your luck. Should have been carrying a gun. Welcome to America. Don’t not carry a gun or you will get shot. If you have a gun you can deflect other bullets by just shooting randomly in all directions.

If you got ’em, shoot ’em, XX-philes.

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The future of the past will be tomorrow

I hope everyone is excited. Tomorrow is the premiere of season 3, “The Blessing Way.”

Get out your tinfoil hats (there are instructions for fashioning a good one linked from last year’s pre-season warmup post). It is important to have a good tinfoil hat so that the government and their alien conspirators can’t broadcast distracting radio waves into your brain while you are trying to watch the 2-decade-time-shifted X-Files. They don’t want you to understand the past future because it might interfere with the now future plans to hybridize the human race with alien DNA.

But I’ve said too much. Tune in tomorrow. 9pm.

A NEW (OLD) SEASON IS NIGH

We have less than two weeks until “The Blessing Way” begins season 3 twenty years later.

This is obviously very exciting, but we cannot let it distract us. We have jobs (or whatever). We must resist the urge to lie on the living room floor from now until then staring at Netflix in anticipation. Go to work, fools. Don’t be hapless, listless jerks.

We shall reconvene on 22 September and kick off the new season together while live-blaghing.