Consider this a recap, sort of.
So I wasn’t able to view “Darkness Falls” with the others this week because I was otherwise indisposed (you don’t need to know, nosey. Rude). Luckily, back in the day, when my brother and I were going to miss X-files we would program our video cassette recorder (VCR) (it’s like a DVR, but medieval) and then put in a tape cassette (I don’t even know. Some sort of recording medium. I don’t remember what they look like anymore) and then when we came home the episode would have been recorded so that we could watch it later. So this week, I had my colleagues in the north tape the X-files for me and then send it to me using the United States Postal Service (it’s like email, but SO SLOW. Like, it can take several days for me to receive something that someone else sends. BUT, you can send physical objects [future readers: I know, you 3D-print everything now. Aren’t you special. Kiss my past-ass] so it works for some stuff still). Unfortunately, I don’t have a VCR (or whatever it was called) so I just watched it on Netflix. Actually, I’m lying about this whole process (in this reality, not in an alternate one in which I am not lying). I just watched it on Netflix several days late, but that story is SO BORING. The other story was much better. I’m sorry to confuse you, though. I know we are already traveling through time (always forward, very slowly) and I apologize for introducing alternate realities as well (mostly just daft imaginings and delusions, according to this reality self). SO, if you want truth (BO-RING) then you can believe the Netflix story and if you want something way more fun, imagine Amanda trying to program a VCR and then mailing me a tape (WAY better).
Oh yeah. A recap of “Darkness Falls.” Sorry, I get distracted. There is so much TV to watch in so many past timelines that it is difficult to keep up with which one that I am presently actually physically in. I call this “temporal dysphoria” or “dystemporalia.” Mark your calendars (in whatever reality you like) as the day that those future words were coined. Someday they will be much more common because we will always be moving through time in multiple directions/dimensions and people will have a really terrible time integrating past-, present-, future- and alternate-reality-selves. It will be a huge new branch of psychology and psychiatry. So crack the books, kids, and become future psychotemporal therapists. Make all the money. Except that there will be no money because we will live in a socialist utopia. Or perhaps there will only be money, but it won’t matter because we will live in a dystopian, collectivist surveillance police state. Whatever, become psychologists.
And there you have it.
What? Oh yeah, the recap. I’m sorry. I get so confused.
Okay, so, “Darkness Falls.” [ALL THE SPOILERS ARE AFTER THIS] Tiny bugs. Green. Glow in the dark. Swarmy. Make webs/cocoons around people (not animals, I guess) and suck all the water out of their bodies. But only at night. During the day they are hiding under stuff. They don’t like light. Light is abhorrent to them. So anyway, Mulder and Scully manage to survive being cocooned somehow. Like usual, anyone else would die (and many do), but not our heroes. They are sort of just fine by the end, but Scully is worse, like usual. The end.
This is one of my favorite monster-of-the-week (MOTW) episodes. There is no solution. There is no explanation (not that there ever is). There are just a bunch of “Holy shit WTF?” looks exchanged at the end. I like it when they end like this.
Alright, so I have to go. I have to watch an episode of Star Trek Voyager that will have been airing five years from past now and then back to back episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel that will have been airing a year after that. We are so lucky to have all of this documentary content about the past future and the present past and also the alternate present past (sometimes).
Good luck staying out of temporal trouble. I’ll have been seeing you on Tuesday (present)/Friday (past) for “Tooms.” Cheers.